It is a real thing.
Disclaimer: Whatever I am about to share below is just my personal experience with depression. It may vary from an individual to another. Don’t ya’ll use it against me please.
Sebenarnya, berat juga nak ku kongsikan kerana ianya terlalu personal bagiku. Tapi aku rasa perlu untuk melepaskan sekatan di dada ni dan manalah tahu mampu membantu sesiapa yang mengalami perkara sama.
It is a real illness guys. You know, scientifically ada chemicals yang tak balanced in our bodies that can trigger certain thoughts in our brain to think of on-going negative thoughts.
Macam mana cik Eni boleh terkena depression? To tell you the truth, only Allah is the best of Planner.
Nak tahu macam mana tiba-tiba aku tahu I’m one of them? Here’re my simptoms:
- Tiba-tiba aku hilang minat dengan my daily activities. Dulu suka hiking, hangout dengan kawan-kawan. Tiba-tiba lost interest langsung.
- I’m tired ALL the time. Padahal tak buat apa sangat pun tapi badan rasa macam dah ran a half marathon, tenyeh sental bilik air sehari suntuk. It truly ruins my focus at work guys.
- Losing focus at work - sampai my bosses perasan my productivity drastically reduced. Scary tau the feeling of losing job, never have I experience such in my career life.
- I secluded myself, feels like I’m worthless and a burden to people around me. My friends and family started to realise I’m suddenly quiet. It’s not I naturally am a quiet person pun.
So, all the above changes made me realise I am not myself anymore. It was so scary that time because I don’t know what’s going on with me. Imagine, bila kita tiba-tiba rasa we don’t know ourselves anymore.
Hanya Allah yang paling mengerti sekecil-kecil bisikan dan kegusaran dalam hati.
Beberapa bulan lepas, pada satu tengahari Rabu, tiba-tiba dadaku rasa sesak. Sukar nak bernafas. Aku mula panik, feels like dying masa tu. I was working at home that time and suddenly my mind went blank. Tak boleh buat kerja langsung.
It went down really quick to a point sedar tak sedar aku mendail talian anti-suicide. Nobody picks up. But that really snapped me out of it - realising that I need help.
I instinctively scroll down my IG account, found Miasa Malaysia, and read a guideline. It says:
- Step 1: Go to any klinik kesihatan
- Step 2: Get a referral to a hospital
So what I did was I called klinik kesihatan (government) berdekatan rumah, the person asked me to walk in.
I met the doctor, curahkan semua yang aku rasa and the doctor spent a good 1 hour and half listening and writing down my every simptoms. He calmed me down and I felt comfortable sharing my thoughts with him.
At that point rasanya aku just nak let everything out of my system. Alhamdulillah aku rasa lega.
Next day, aku ke Hospital Ampang and went to Unit Kaunseling & Psikiatrik. I had my friend (now fiancé) accompanying me. Funny how sometimes Allah send the best of blessing in the midst of tragedy in our lives. Like I said in the earlier paragraph, He is indeed is the Best of Planner.
So.... that was the point in my life where I realised and finally taking action to deal with what has been bothering me (honestly) more than a year. Aku duk pendam sampai lebam. Morale: If you think you need help, just seek for help. Don’t let other whispers tell you otherwise.
Dari situ..bermulalah my road to recovery. Honestly I’m still in the process. I will InshaaAllah in another post tell more.. let me know if you find the topic interesting. Or if you have experienced almost similar incident.
Until next post InshaaAllah. In the meantime kawan-kawan, jaga diri & may Allah bless you. Always.
Signing off for now,